Hi Vodkalover-
If you get sober, save this post b/c when you come back and read it again, you're going to understand the phrase "alcoholic insanity".
I don't say this to be cruel as I've been there before.
You never have to drink again, if you don't want to.
You can go get help, if you really want to.
There are millions of recovered alcoholics in the U.S. alone. They did it and so can you, but you gotta do the work.
It's going to be tough and you'll need to do things you don't want to do.
Maybe it's time to get rid of old ideas?
AA is always free and will always be there, available to show you a solution to your alcoholism.
Kjell~