Tuffgirl

LexieCat asked me to explain my post from last night - and I realize it is probably the correct thing to do here. Whitecat, this thread was hard to read as I recognize myself in a lot of what you posted. Trying to understand something that is irrational and respond to it as a rational person would. This is NOT a rational situation, and the more you try to "understand" and "make sense" of an irrational and illogical situation, the more crazy YOU will become.

Instead of relying on "normal" patterns of interaction that you are learning in your class, you need to educate yourself to addictions and alcoholism and understand a different way of interacting and communicating with your A..."normal" anything doesn't apply to these people, especially when they are actively using.

It is not a normal situation, normal rules of engagement don't apply, normal communication is ineffective, and as many have pointed out, offensive to the user anyway, so you end up digging yourself an even bigger hole. Several people talk repeatedly on this forum of stopping the urge to buy bread at the hardware store. That's a great analogy...everything you currently know won't work in this situation.

Read the stickies at the top of the F&F home page. Go read books on alcoholism and addiction. Go to Al-Anon and talk to those people who have been in your shoes. Keep coming back here and ask questions, but do so with an open mind if you intend to stay in this relationship, because the only way to be in a relationship with an active user is to change your approach entirely to the addiction.

Good luck, sorry for what may have sounded like sarcasm, I think I meant it as more relief that I have slowly let go of the urge to make sense of the nonsensical.

~T