i guess i keep believing her words. the last time we spent any time together, she had another detox set up. we arrived and she broke down in tears saying she wasn't ready, that she loved me as much as she can love someone but that the drugs are winning, she said she wants to get clean, wants a normal life again, but was not ready to commit. i accepted that. i said that that means we cannot go back to the chaos, she can not stay again, or hang out, and that i would not be there to give rides or save her from any situations. she cried and said she understood,that she wanted me to take my life back and was sorry for all she did to me but really loves me.
so, i get stuck believing that. and i did expect to hear from her sooner. my sober thought is that if you love some one you check in. so she is either "working" or staying w someone and feels ashamed to call or since there is nothing to get from me, she doesn't bother to call.
i tried uploading some photos but i am not having luck