Originally Posted by
LexieCat 
Back when I was drinking, I could, on occasion, control it for brief periods of time. I could go to a party and have what anyone would consider a "moderate" amount.
After a short time of doing that, however, I would inevitably boomerang back into destructive, out-of-control drinking.
So I couldn't control it reliably or long-term, no matter how much I tried. The only solution for me was to quit drinking entirely because ANY alcohol consumption worked on my head and convinced me that I was "OK" to drink. I am not "OK" to drink. It takes over my life.
Not every alcoholic gets sh*tfaced drunk every time s/he puts lips to bottle.
This describes me perfectly. In AA there is a saying "play the tape all the way through". This means to me that, even if I did go out and successfully moderate my drinking for a while, I would end up in the same hell I was in before I quit.
I tried this multiple times and have never been successful. The Big Book has put it this way:
All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals-usually brief-were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization.
We have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse.
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