broomhilde

I have been living with my partner for 8 years. We ended our relationship two years ago when I discovered that he was doing cocaine with his coworkers and his friends. I had learned that ALL of his coworkers and ALL of his friends use coke recreational. For the six months that I was gone, he convinced me to come back and that everything was okay again. However the situation had really gotten out of control at this point. He was using coke almost every day.

I didn't realize (or I wasn't looking for for the signs) that he was using coke again. I caught him using coke again... and he admitted that he was using once a month (maybe more). Again he has the same coworkers and friends.

I started to nag and beg and put restrictions on his life. I didn't know what to do. I love him very much and outside of this issue we are good together. With all of the restrictions in his life (self imposed and some with some pressure from me) he has not used coke freq.

His friends hate me. They think I am making a small issue into a giant one. What I hate most when he uses cocaine is that he is very violent when high. Outside of this he is very gentle with me and respects me... treats me very well. On coke, he has physically and emotionally abusive towards me and himself. And in the morning, he doesn't remember or believe that it happened. Even though things in our home are broken and his hand/face are bleeding.

I know he wants to stop. He has seen a drug specialist once and is reading a book about recovery. I am proud that he hasn't used cocaine for 4 months even though his friends and coworkers are users.

Last night, the first 'real' test... he was out with his coworks and friends all day (soccer game and dinner). I was devastated that he called and told me he was running late. I suspected that he was drinking and using coke with them. When he got home, I could tell he was high. I felt all of my hopes and dreams melt onto the floor and I didn't even have the energy to be angry or upset. I just helped him clean himself up and got him a lot of water.... and told him I was disappointed and we would talk about it in the morning.

In the morning, after talking with him. I realized that I'm out of ideas. I don't know what to do. He doesn't hang out with his friends anymore. But he hasn't made any new friends. He is looking for a new job but outside of his coworkers addictions, he LOVES his work. So it is difficult for him to leave. I want him to be happy.

So yesterday, I told his brother (who lives out of town) about the addiction. Nobody in his family knows about his coke use. And I felt that it would be good for me to talk to someone in his life that could help. Especially someone that will always be there for him. I am just his common law spouse... and I don't know if I can do this anymore. It breaks my heart to say it, but I deserve better than to have the foundation removed from my life every few months and to constantly worry about what he is doing and who he is with. Just when I think 'it' is over, he uses again....

I just found this forum and am reading the sticky notes. If anyone has some advice that would be great. His brother would like him to visit immediately for a week so that I can get some breathing space and he can have a conversation with him.