Originally Posted by
Linz 
This is so annoying to me. The WANT to be sober is definitely in me. It sticks around for a couple days and then seriously just fades away like day into night. I did so good for nineteen days straight, actually obsessing about my sobriety, and then POOF! It vanished in one Friday night. Ever since I fell off the wagon from my nineteen day ride, I've been good for a couple days here, three days there and then the following day I just let my sobriety obsession go and drink a few beers.
I am feeling such guilt about this. On one hand I want a beer or two SO BADLY but on the other hand I ask myself why I want it.
The only thing I'm glad about when it comes to my recent drinking spurts is that I limit my intake to about five beers throughout the night opposed to the old habit of about 12 beers and a few shots of whiskey in about three hours and then black out and pass out.
I just want to get sober for good but am fighting with myself!
I don't even get the urge to drink anymore lately. I don't get obsessions. I don't get cravings. Lately that is.
My big secret is I have all my friends and family on board with me. I've put people in my life who are so close to me, that almost every day, I will say "you know.. this part of my life is different/better because if I was still drinking (followed by story about a crappy experience). The other day it was my Dad. I said "Dad.. whats funny about this is we are staying in a hotel tonight together.. but if I was drinking, i'd be whining about wanting to lay up in the bar all night and take a taxi to the hotel. Now I'm ok with going to bed at 9:30". Stories like that are almost a daily routine in my life. Every day, and I mean literally every day, I find something new and exciting about my life that was just absolute **** in my previous life.