I can relate to everything that you have said. I divorced my AH in January. I still love him very much. He is currently in prison, due to be released at the end of the month. He will be living with his sisters during a ninety day electronic monitoring term. I pray that he will be able to maintain sobriety for his and his son's sake. There is nothing more that I would like than to eventually put our lives together again, but I will have to see actions and not hear words. I have been through that too many times. I have learned not to enable, and not to keep my life on hold waiting for him to change. If he does great, if not I will be fine. For now we are friends, working together for the sake of our children.