Everybody else has good suggestions. Don't do anything that will prevent you from filing for unemployment, but do go apply for that job at Target because you may as well get a backup plan started.
May I gently suggest that you may be telling your little ones too much? 5 and 3 don't need to know whether you are going on a vacation. And you have the ability to spin it positively so that they think going to the pool and a picnic is a vacation. Think about providing them the maximum comfort and stability you can.
Don't tell 5 yo that Dad isn't coming to the recital. See if he comes, and if he doesn't she can know that afterward.
HE is trying to make YOU the bad guy to them. YOU can resist this. He is not entitled to see them without a court order. You could have arranged for them to be elsewhere when he came over.
I feel pretty strongly about children not being subjected to the fracas and chaos that someone like that s.o.b. brings, so it's time for you to be hyper-vigilant and proactive.
You are a good mom. I know it is scary, but you can handle this even though it's overwhelming. You can do it and we are all on your side.
