Welcome back SRN.
I remember not being able to make a day and thinking what the heck one more day won't hurt.
It did though....everytime. Not to be melodramatic, but my last 'one more day' nearly finished me off.
If you feel AA is not for you, ok...personally I'd be grabbing at whatever I could, but ok.
but...what are you going to do exactly?
The only way out of the cycle is to stop it...get some help, man.
here's some of the main recovery players
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
and...you know as well I do...convulsions are never good.
I really hope you'll consider medical attention too.
D