Smacked,
I disagree with the universal statement that a husbands program is none of the wifes business. '
I go to alanon, I stay pretty well detached...
But when my RAH came home from rehab, we had a deal.
We had TERMS under which he was allowed to live under MY ROOF while he pulled his life back together.
Those were MY BOUNDARIES NOT ULTIMATUMS>
and those had to do with him not using substance, attending meetings, and working on recovery aside from just physical sobriety.
If you live with a wife/husband who has dealt with your addiction for years and you come home to them, and they say,
"you can be here with me and with our child, IF you are in an active recovery program, and you do not use drugs or alcohol while here. "
That is a boundary. I was not willing to live with a sober man who stayed out too much, or who hung in bars anymore than I was willing to live with a drunk person doing the same. When he stopped going to meetings, and started putting himself into bars, HELL YES that was my business. MY childs and my own emotional well being require honesty and I was unwilling to deal with that. BUt guess what, he lied about the meetings and the bar. So, yes, it is my business to know if he was working his program while under MY ROOF> with OUR child.
And now, he lives away, and it is less of my business.
But guess what?
We still share a child. And he still claims he is wanting to reconcile. So IT IS MY BUSINESS to know who he is and where he is putting his focus.
That is common, decent courtesy in a relationship, let alone a marriage/coparenting.
RANT OVER