Hi, welcome!
You've come to the right place.
You are obviously a smart, thoughtful and observant person.
Codpendency doesn't make us abusive, necessarily, but it does show our addiction.
Your man is addicted to alcohol (and everything else) and you are addicted to him.
This whole post is about him and his issues. His abuses. His unfairness. His addiction. His mental process. His him he his him he.
That's how we start here. So wrapped up in our A partners that we can't even find OURSELVES.
Normies (non codependents) are inside themselves. They feel their feelings. They value themselves.
They would look at our partners and say, "Oh, HELL no!" and be done with it.
We look at our partners and say, "that's awful" and stick around!
That is lunacy. Or better put, addiction.
Same difference, really.
This is a place where we will support you in finding you.
As Bernadette (an SR member who was around when I showed up) said, "It's time to put down the magnifying glass and get out the mirror."
Do you get how deep that is? She said that to me. Because I was sooo wrapped up in (an excellent job if I do say so myself!) analyzing him that I couldn't see ME.
So who are YOU? What is acceptable behavior for a partner for you? What is your dream relationship? It isn't this b.s., clearly. So what is it you DO want?
Try to start shifting all that wonderful observation toward you and the good you will begin to create for yourself.
He is a bunch of drama you get to walk away from and that would leave space for you to create a good, new world for you.
Again, welcome.
ps check out Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. It really helped me.
peace