Day 6
Everything was going so well - I was starting to feel really good, actually went for a bike ride this morning (something I haven't done for almost 2 yrs), appetite is back big style, no sleeping tablets required, the dog hides when I put my walking shoes on, wife now pretends to have a headache at bedtime!!!
Because I went cold turkey (after a one month planned tapering), I kept a bottle of vodka since last Thursday just in case **** happend.
I told myself at the weekend that today, it would go down the sink - I don't need or want this anymore.
So - 20 minutes ago I had great pleasure in opening the bottle and started pouring it down the sink, almost halfway down and the angle on the bottle started to shallow. This happened without any concious thought from me and the pouring stopped with about 1/3rd bottle left.
It seemed like one final drink to say goodbye would be OK - can you believe it!!
I poured a glass (2 or 3 shots) and drank it as I finished emptying the rest down the sink.........................
I feel so guilty, I can't believe I did that. I know the little monster inside me is has wet himself laughing so much at my weakness.
I was so pleased at the beginning of this week to post my 4 day's free and so lucky that after a long time drinking my withdrawl was a cushy ride compared to some. The support and words of encouragement form this site was fantastic (paddyb - get a life LOL).
I really thoght I was in control, the worst is over - or was. Maybe I needed this to show me I am not as strong as I thought I was, or the little monster is stronger than I thought it was??
I keep putting my head in my hands, shaking my head, sighs of disbelief!!
It's pouring with rain but, like it or not dog we're going for a walk - I need to get my head straight.
