I guess everyone is telling me what I don't want to hear. The idea that people revert to the age they were when they started drinking keeps popping back into my head. BF is at times ecstatic and happy, at times depressed, and at times downright obnoxiously immature. In line with a sixteen year old, which is around when he started drinking. (Though it didn't become a "problem" until his 20s.)
I guess I keep hoping, since it's only been a week and some days since he quit drinking, that because I loved him so much, and have stuck through so much crud, that he will become the person I loved. He has been incredibly good to me. Which is interesting, because he's become a jerk since he has been sober...he is irritable and critical all the time. I am trying to be patient, and understand that he is just a few days into sobriety, but he seems to have NO awareness around his volatility. But I guess all the stuff that didn't get taken care of when he was drinking is coming out in full force now. And that's several years worth.
I feel defensive about the idea that I'm supporting him; I have never given him money, and we've always split everything 50/50, the trip included. We're traveling because a good friend is getting married, so I guess it is sort of a "necessity." But I guess the truth is that anyone in a relationship with an alcoholic is "enabling" them in some way, whether financially, emotionally, physically, etc. This is an idea I am really struggling with right now, because as much as I went out of my way to avoid enabling behavior when he was drinking, I feel like I fall right into it now that he's sober. Sure, I'll pick you up. Sure, I'll make you dinner. I want to be supportive of his sobriety, but I feel like I am instead supportive of his erratic mood swings. It was a lot easier when alcohol was there to blame, and I could just walk out when he got on my nerves or he was drunk. Now he alternates between Jekyll and Hyde every ten minutes, and I guess I can still blame alcohol, but I can't communicate it to him. How do you tell someone you love that they are a complete wacko, and have ten years of issues to deal with that they've just been drinking away?
I am so grateful for this board, because it really does make me feel less alone. I haven't gotten up the nerve to go to Alanon yet, but I am feeling I need it now more than ever. Hopefully after this trip I can go.
Thank you again to all
