I find this a fascinating question.
I had concerns from early on in my relationship, too, but how in the heck do you know what will turn out to be a REAL issue?
I guess now I know somewhat better!
We knew eachother 2 years, then dated 5 years, then were married 2 years when I got pregnant. I was totally in denial. I came out enough to gently inquire a few times about hidden alcohol or him drinking in secret, and get shut down. LEAVE IT ALONE was the message, and I did.
Not long after, we moved, I found a box of alcohol he moved and subsequently hid, then I found wine at the bottom of a to go coffee cup, then I found 16 empties from one week's time...and I searched and found SR.
Then, within a few weeks, I lost the baby.
I realized quickly (with the help of SR) that I couldn't get pregnant again without addressing this.
I decided I needed to strike when the iron was hot (I WANTED to get pregnant again!)and I confronted him in October.
He was awful about it. Too long to get into.
I spent the next 7 months in that limbo. Leaving about once a month for a week at a time to get some space. Crying my eyes out, raging, empty, depressed...being away didn't help things. Coming home each time didn't either.
I took a summer job in a different state to get more space. That was May - August (3 more months). That didn't help.
I got offered a permanent job in the park I was working seasonally at. (THAT was a big step! I was starting to walk away from the limbo.)
That was December (3 more months had passed). Now, I've been working here 4 more months. We have tried phone counseling. No change. I'm not letting it go and he's not taking it seriously.
I have given up. We are talking divorce.
Limbo doesn't work and I'm not getting any younger.
It's not fair to either one of us and life has to move on.
So, all in all, it's been about 1 year and a half of limbo.
Not bad, really. I am moving pretty fast, all in all. It's a big decision and it still doesn't feel good, by any stretch of the imagination.
It is less painful.
There is less limbo/pain/confusion/stuckness/misery/hope/hopelessness and more tired resolve. More acceptance. A bit at a time. More letting go. More giving up/in that I can't get him to be who I want and he doesn't have to be.
It isn't a light switch, but a process.
I am far enough out of limbo that I know I am moving toward divorce, however glacially I move.
Hugs, peace