Hi all-
It took me a few weeks, but I've made some changes and I thought I'd post my (updated) letter. I'm going to run this by my sponsor tomorrow, but again, might as well utilize our wonderful online community as well.
Any input is appreciated as you can tell this amend is a "big one" for me.
Hi (removed)-
First and foremost – thank you for allowing me to do this.
I’m in AA and I’ve been sober since 01/01/10. Part of being in AA is working the 12 steps of the program. One of these steps is an amend step and that’s what I’m attempting to do here.
I’m hoping to make amends to you for the harms I’ve done. I believe I owe you many, many amends for my general behavior while we dated and after we broke up.
I was selfish, dishonest, reckless and drunk, high, hung over far too often and because of this behavior, I wasn’t a good boyfriend to you and I’m very sorry for that.
There are also many specific amends and it’s possible I may be leaving some out. If I am, please let me know so we can address them specifically, if you’re so inclined.
I’m sorry for…
• Every single time I drank too much.
• Every single time I did any illegal drugs.
• Every single time I was hung over and not available to you.
• Every single time I choose getting drunk and/or doing drugs over you, or our relationship, or any plans we made and every single time I embarrassed you or made it hard/uncomfortable on you in any way.
• I’m sorry for every single time I lied to you about my drinking, what I did while partying, or my involvement in any way regarding drugs.
• Every single time my selfishness and reckless behavior caused you to worry or feel any negative emotions.
• Every, single, time I drove with or without you in the car while either drunk or high. I can’t believe how reckless, selfish, and irresponsible I was, but I completely understand now.
• Both times I left you (once at a bar, another at a party) to go get drugs.
• There were times when you, with good reason, would call me “out” on my poor behavior and I would argue with you, or try to push the focus on you, or try to justify my actions. I was wrong, dead wrong and I know that now.
• I’m sorry for getting drunk and my behavior in general, while I was out of town either for tradeshows or on trips without you. I now understand why this was wrong and how it must have made you feel.
• I know I probably made it hard on you at work and my mind is just now becoming clear enough to understand just how ridicules and embarrassing I was.
• I also know that after we broke up I was a JERK, especially in Portland. I’m so embarrassed about my actions after we broke up and you had every right to break up with me. I understand that now.
I’m hoping we can speak about this further, but either way, please let me know what I can do to make this up to you. If I’ve left anything out (and I’m assuming I have), I’d really like to know about it.
Sincerely,
(removed)