Am I enabling him?
My h and I have been together for 15 years. I filed for divorce about 2 months ago after his drinking had gotten way out of control. He did not take the news well and ended up getting another dui. We have started talking again and he really wants to work on things. I have made some rules such as I won't talk to him when he is drunk or be around him. Should I totally cut off contact though? He really does want to get back together. I told him that I would not even consider that until he stopped drinking. I also said that I would give him a few months before proceeding with the divorce (july). The papers have been filed but if I did not see any changes that i would start the mediation process. He wanted me to change the papers to Seperation while I he is working on thisbut I refused and told him that I would give him a few months. He said that he could not stop the drinking unless his kids and I were there to support him. Is this another tactic to just rope me in? I was very clear that if he was serious about stopping drinking that he needs to stop now and that just cutting back would not be suffiicient.
Since he just lost his license he asked me if I could take him to aa and I said yes. I have been very clear that in order to reconcile he would need to quit drinking completely and make changes in a few other areas. (he did not help around the house alot, things like that) We have been actually getting along well. He says he has cut back on drinking and has been respecting the boundaries that I have set. So my question is by being there a support ( such as through phone calls and he still sometimes do stuff together as a family, by driving him to aa, etc) are these enabling him or are these ok? I just don't want him to try to manipulate me and I am very set on divorcing him he does not make changes. I have been also very clear that if he makes these changes and just tries to say what I want to hear that it will not work in the end. Just to clarify, we are not living together right now, if that makes any difference.
I just feel find of lost because we get along so great when he is not drinking. He is a great father also ( if he is not drinking). I do love him but am prepared to walk away. I guess I am just looking for some guidance. We went through something similar about 8 years ago. He was sober for awhile and did well but regressed in the last 2 years, so I am very skeptical if he does get sober again if this will work out long term.