God I love Cyranoak's posts. Can you write an advice column, please? The no nonsense straight talking plus humour combination is fabulous - and the fact that there's a good dose of compassion and common sense in there too makes me smile (often).
I agree with the advice about investing in your own recovery - and I am soooooo glad that I didn't marry my XABF. I remember in the early days (first red flag now I think about it) being alarmed at how much money was coming out of my account. He'd invite me to dinner then I'd end up buying two bags of groceries (he'd email me a list) on the way there. I did all the running around/picking him up (he had no car) and my gas bill doubled. He would "run out" of the monthly flea/worming meds for his dogs and ask if he could use some of mine while he had them at my place (it's $90 for six doses) and bring some back when he bought some. I'm a sucker for any animal but needless to say he never made it to the vet the whole time we were together. The list goes on. Right before we broke up he wanted me to spend $600 on a bike so we could bike together. I said no and he threw the mother of all sulks. But I was absolutely done with putting my hand in my pocket on a whim (his).
I am in control of my finances. Not in a militant way - but I know where my money goes, what my budget is and what my expenses are. I live really modestly. I remember a clutching feeling in my stomach in the early days that I was feeling out of control of my own money. I know, for sure, that feeling would be a red flag in any new relationship for me.
Cut your losses and start investing in you!
Hugs,
SL.