I once read this book by this activist and something he said in it really struck me. He said, people are used to being in two states. The first state is Denial. They deny anything is wrong, or they downplay it. But when things become too overwhelming for them to deny anymore, they move to the other extreme, helplessness and despair. He said that they forget that there are other options. You don't have to chose between either denial or despair, you can chose action.
Action is the most empowering choice. But in order to take action it is imperative that you first become informed. Now, many people recommend popular psychology self-help books. Some of them are really good, I even have a couple myself. But IMO, when dealing with a physical disease as serious and as fatal as alcoholism, I find that many of them are misinformed. Instead of turning first to self-help books, you may want to read books that deal with alcoholism from a scientific point of view. There have been many scientific advances in the last several decades and much has been revealed about addiction that was never understood.
It is ok to be sad, but don't let yourself be overcome with despair. Educate yourself. We are fortunate to live in a time where the knowledge is available to us.
Best Wishes,
Panther