Originally Posted by
Florence 
NPD is the evil of absolutely not caring about you, because you don't exist to a Narcissist unless they can use you. I used to pray that the babydaddy would develop an addiction or haul off an hit me so at least I'd have something to point to when I claimed he was abusive. I can't even begin to tell you the evil that I and my son continue to endure dealing with this man, and it's absolutely nothing in comparison to what I've dealt with with my AH.
This brought back haunting memories of my ex-husband. He never was officially diagnosed, but he fit the profile at about 90% He was a screamer and a rager, and God did I ever pray too that he would up and lose it and just hit me so I could have a solid reason to just LEAVE! He could have me feeling so worthless that I'd be curled up on the floor while he raged over top of me. I'd be chanting in my head, kick me, kick me kick me, just do it you S.O.B!
After going through that hell, dealing with alcoholism doesn't seem so bad, on the surface at least.