The difference in me this time around is that the fears and irrational hopes I've had I've had for a long time... In the past I'd convince myself that things might change, I'd talk to my AH about the past and the good times and try to recreate them and fool myself into believing I could make it all come back (and truth be told there really weren't ever long good periods-- there were events and moments but not solidly steady periods of good times).
This time around I recognize the thinking, the fears, the wishes and am accepting that I feel all of this but not letting it dictate what I do now and going forward. I can wish and hope things were different and still divorce him and move on and be okay with that... I think that's the important distinction for me this go around...