I truly think I hate XAH. I'm pretty sure I do - at least right now. A white-hot, burning hatred. I know this is giving him way too much power again. I'm trying to let go, but freakin h-ll... it's messing up the Zen feeling I was working towards... Even the EOB I got recently isn't helping me smile today.
I'm having serious trust issues with my HP today. And come to think of it, the ravens (an addition/aspect to HP) that were hanging out at DS's school for the past few months weren't there today.... Now, I'm feeling a bit abandoned to boot.
Thing is I don't think I truly believed he even had a Slope job. There was a little doubt hanging out that thought he'd simply figured out a way to get around his GF's vigilance on his drinking. Something along the lines of: I'll say I have this great job, go crash at drinking buddy Y's house for 2 weeks at a time and be able to drink all I want without either her or the responsibility of seeing DS. Maybe tell GF I have Job 2 for the 2 weeks off of the Slope job... Oh, cr-p, both XWife and GF are actually expecting me to fill out the visitation mod paperwork; the court will actually be able to get proof of the (possibly non-existent) job.
Twisted. Twisted is what dealing with him has made my thinking. The trust is absolutely shot. I'm incredibly PO'd with myself that he takes up all this time in my mind.
Trying hard to let go of this. I KNOW I can't control any of it. Ample evidence to show I have no control here.