What are some signs of recovery?
Hi - I'm new here and I wanted to pose this question: What are some signs that my husband is in recovery and not just abstaining from alcohol/substances? In a nutshell, we're now separated after his last binge which culminated in a month & a half jail sentence. I left him in jail for a couple of reasons - the first was so that the binge he was on would stop (when he relapses, it's severe & rarely stops w/o some type of force), the second reason is that I didn't want to get in the way of his consequences. There is a third reason which is that I didn't have ANY intention of detoxing him again (it's absolutely miserable...I've done it several times before and I don't think I can physically or emotionally go thru it one more time). I told him that I wanted him to go to rehab from jail & that he couldn't come home. I also told him that I preferred that he go to a rehab that had some focus on family restoration but he thought that the two places that have that kind of program were too restrictive. He found a half-way house where he's required to stay sober (has random drug/alcohol screenings) and he's required to attend four meetings/week. Other than that (plus a curfew), he's pretty much on his own. The bottom line is this: he seems to be doing the right things on the surface but I don't see much change in his attitude. I'm in a position where I need to be very deliberate and careful so I can protect myself. I'm willing to stick it out and keep trying to work on our marriage IF I see that he's got a desire to change (and I see honesty & humility from him). Other than that, I can't risk staying with someone who has a flippant attitude about extremely serious matters. I also want to say that I'm not expecting 100% perfection from him, just the kind of behavior that shows some sincere steps in the right direction.
Also, please don't think from my question that I'm too focused on his recovery because I'm not. I don't make suggestions, I don't ask questions (other than a "how was your meeting" here & there to make conversation)...I'm just trying to ask what are some positive signs to look for.