I'm not the running type, unfortunately. I dismantle it bit by bit and try to understand.
If I didn't see improvement, I would have tapped out. If she didn't admit the problem and genuinely want to change, I would quit.
The reason I am even involved at all is because she told me she wants to quit. Months later, she actually turned to me and told me she never thought I would take it that seriously. Her experience with men taught her otherwise.
Part of this is the newness. Alone, you struck on a major point of question... how do I respond?
I'll give you an example. We were out one night, and she turned to me and asked if i would be mad if she had a couple of drinks. I turned to her, and said simply yes. Then went back to what i was doing. She didn't drink. She WAS miserable the rest of the night, but I ignored it. I held her hand, but I didn't offer comfort or discussion about drinking. She had to make up her mind knowing consequences.
She chose not to drink. One day at a time.
Now... that exchange came up at her therapist. Her position was that I should not get THAT mad if she has a drink. Her therapist looked her dead in the eye and told her he would be pissed if he were in my position. That she put me in the position of being her conscience, her father was the problem. She knew better. And she should have behaved better.
Now... is my reaction wrong? I have no idea. But it was enough to get through that night without a drink. And the sting lasted for the rest of the week.
MY position to her shrink was that there is no point in even involving me. My feeling was, it is just postponing the inevitable for when i am not around -like the weekend away with girlfriends.
Now? I would probably say, "Having the drink is up to you, not me. How I react is up to me, not you. Choose your poison."
There is no right answer, I don't think. She needs to make a committment one way or the other. Be an alcoholic and all that that means, or be a recovering alcoholic and start taking the stairs.
Part of my exercise today was looking into alanon and AA... there is a meeting near home at 8 on Thursdays. They meet concurrently. I can choose to go. Her choice is hers.