Hello Rowanthe and welcome to SR.
How very sad for you.
Welcome to SR.
I hope you'll read some of the stickies at the top of the forum.
that's those thingies up top that aren't part of the daily conversation)
they contain addresses and other resources for family members.
This is a large burden to carry alone
have you considered outside support?
I hope you'll find the support you'll need
to get through this
both here at SR
and in the 'real' world.
It's a tough thing to try all by one's self.
Welcome!