I think we might have the same mother. My F was not an A though both my parents grew up as ACOA's and my household may as well have been an alcoholic one...
I grew up knowing that if I told my Dad anything about how I felt (bc he was, for me, the better of the 2 parents since I was the one my mother targetted), he'd eventually tell my mother (use what I told him as ammunition against her in a fight). Then I'd never hear the end of it from my mom and was told, like you that I betryayed her etc...
For what it's worth, I think that any parent who tells their child they have "betrayed" them is, to a certain degree, guilty of emotional abuse. And a parent who betrays their child's trust as your Dad did, is guilty of the same...
I'm sorry that was your experience growing up. Mine too and I married an alcoholic who it turns out I can not trust at all. For someone who already has an impossibly difficult time trusting myself and my instincts and my feelings, being married to an A is just a nightmare...