Brutal Honesty...
Insane reasons I have stayed and that still tug at me making me question whether I "should" really divorce him...
I am admitting how sick my thinking is here so please don't berate me...
1. We have 2 sets of couple friends whose kids are our kids ages. One of those couples we go on vacation with each summer and I LOVE it... I worry that our friendship and things we do with them will change when my H is not a part of the outings...
2. Fear of no on else ever wanting me and spending the rest of my life alone and miserable like my mother
3. Fear of loneliness
4. Clinging to memories of isolated times that were good and feeling like there are places, songs, days of the year that will be miserable recollections forever if I divorce him bc they are things I associate only with him
5. Fear of my not wanting to ever try and get close to someone again knowing how much I've been hurt and wondering whether I will ever want to make the effort to be a part of a relationship again
6. Worry that I will make the "wrong" decision and should give it more time
7. Financial worry
8. Worry that my daughters will hate me for breaking up our family since AH is "happy" to maintain the status quo (even as miserable as it is) so for anything to change it will be me who makes that happen.