See I guess it just seemed incredible (in-credible!) that any well-trained therapist could completely miss things, be so deftly manipulated, and at no point in the course of over a year, think to herself, "You know this seems a little odd..." i.e. that she could believe AH so implicitly (and this is a therapist who knows me as well, has treated us jointly many years ago and also me individually).
AH was told to see a therapist by his sponsor over a year ago, for "anger management". Instead, it made him feel more entitled to his anger and justified in his increasing abuse. Of course, that isn't how AH plays it in the therapist's office. He would never acknowledge the way he is translating their advice. His therapist, his sponsor, do not know what goes on behind closed doors and so seem to unwittingly aid in the escalation and progression of the sickness and distorted lines of thought. It's sort of frightening, particularly since now all the advice he has been given, which was based on his emotional dishonesty, is imploding on itself and destroying our family and marriage and his health.
Many months ago, I pleaded with his therapist for a session by myself with her, in the interest of our marriage; she refused; conflict of interest.
I think the ability to be "master manipulators" so fuels their addictive mindset and is such a caveat to their recovery. They get so good at it. I always thought myself a reasonably good communicator and of sound intelligence, but he could have me turned around in a conversation -- or a therapist's office -- so fast, I would feel discombobulated and stupid.
In the past month, I pulled out of joint therapy because I knew he was using, and told him so; that the sessions were not productive because he was not sober in mind or body. A few weeks later he said he wasn't coming back home until I got back into counseling with him (wanting more manipulation, and more opportunities to punish me and have a counselor nod in agreement and take notes). I said he wasn't welcome back until / unless he got sober and stayed sober. He said I was the only one in the world who believed he wasn't sober. Why would that be? I said perhaps that's because he has managed to fool everyone else. Not me.
Good to know (and sad) that this has happened in other relationships; I thought I was just crazy and he claimed he was getting healthier and healthier, while at the same he was acting more and more angry and miserable, and also feeling justified in berating and belittling and abusing a mess like me. I seem to have acquired the dubious distinction of "the crazy one" in the eyes of his therapists and sponsors, among others.
~emp919