I think that the suggestion about the book Codependence No More by melodie beattie can really change how you see things.
I know it did for me.
I also grew up w/ an alcoholic dad and then married one. I used to say I had horrible taste in men but I didn't...I just went to what I was comfortable with...those who would cause me pain, who were unreliable, treated me badly and could not show any type of support for me or my decisions.
I have no doubt that I would make the same bad choices even now, having learned what I have about alcoholism, children of alcoholics and how we've learned to cope with our home life. That is where Alnon comes in.
It can teach you how to help yourself heal. It's hard admiting you have problems too. It really isn't all about your alcoholic but about the fact you've chosen to be involved w/ your alcoholic and won't walk away.
I think you know where your going to end up if you stay with this guy. I don't need to tell you that.
I also want to remind you...that this relationship will cause your Mom especially, pain. She has lived your life and now has to watch you live through the same pain she did.
I know this because my mom told me that is the hardest part.
She wishes she had left my dad. If she had, maybe I wouldn't have been raised the way I was and would have not repeated the pattern.
Unfortunately I did.
and now 19 yrs into it. I have 3 sons.
Do I think they will miraculously be able to avoid the alcoholism that runs through my family?
I really doubt it. In fact I can spot even now which of my sons will have the most difficulty coping w/ problems, that will seek an escape and that has more of a thrill seeking personality. I knew this would happen and I let it.
I will never be able to forgive myself for that and that is a resentment I will probably never be able to forgive my spouse for either.
I just don't want you to make the same mistakes that many of us here have.
Your still early in the relationship, you can get out. Call your parents, ask for their help...go to Alnon, read the book we recommended. Talk to a therapist, whatever....do whatever it takes to heal your wounds so that you can have a full and happy life w/out the shadow of alcoholism.
good luck to you.