Hey Leise....thanks for the very insightful post. I can relate to you when you said you felt like you were better than your ex. I felt this way as well. He seemed so lost and the codie in me wanted to help him at any cost even if that meant giving up my own needs. I felt safe because I also thought he would never leave me. Well, he never left me but he did pick fights with me alot so he could have an excuse to break up with me and cheat and then would come crawling and crying back to me and I accepted this behavior.
The only thing that differs me from you i think is that I have NO DESIRE what so ever to be around another person. Even if I'm feeling bad about myself or my situation, I still do not want anyone in my life. Like you said, when you are feeling bored you look to someone else to make you feel better. For me, I feel so tapped out from taking care of my ex, I enjoy the quiet and being alone for once. Having other people around are a drag to me because then I have to talk and interact with them and I seriously have no patience or energy anymore. Then I think, I may be missing out on meeting some really great people because of the way I feel, but I literally have no strength to go out and meet them. I'm hoping one day at a time, my interpersonal skills will come back and I won't feel so socially incapable anymore.