Does a person's literacy level effect their recovery?
Not that I've seen. I know a lot of people who are/were basically illiterate who recovered just fine. The BB and other AA books are available on audiodisc now, too. A sponsor is the biggest help in understanding the BB, regardless of your literacy. Having a PhD doesn't make recovery any easier to understand--it is definitely possible to overanalyze unless you have someone to guide you in understanding.
What's the differences between the AA and Al Anon program? I guess in respect to delivery method. I know Al Anon, we don't give advice, we just share our stories, how does AA work? I'm not ready to go to one of their open meetings as I think it may upset me.
Not much difference. Just as in Al-Anon, each group has its own format, but generally there is no cross-talk (responding directly to another person's share). I highly recommend going to an open AA speaker meeting or open discussion meeting (by yourself is probably better than going with him). It will give you hope. AA meetings are one of the most hopeful, uplifting experiences I have ever had.
I was going to ask if an alcoholic can also be codependent but after getting Codependent No More on my NOOK, I read that its possible. Explains a lot about my AH since he took on so much responsibility at like age 8 because his parents addictions. It took me years to convince him to stop running in the middle of the night every time one of his bros or sis got into a fight on the streets. Last night he kept talking about how everyones problems effect him even though he doesn't care (???). I didn't even attempt to address it since it was obvious the day's drinking had caught up to him and I've learned that I'd be wasting my breath trying.
Sure. But the alcoholism will do him in a lot sooner than the co-dependency, so work on that can wait until later. Lots of times the 12-Step work will, itself, reveal issues around co-dependency, particularly old resentments against parents or other relatives who were/are alcoholics.
He is convinced that I'm all he needs. This disturbs me most of all. He's ready to go to rehab/detox again and try therapy & AA. even though he thinks AA won't work (Not that he's tried it before - guess he's going on what he's heard or seen on TV), but since year 1 of our relationship he's felt that I could help him with his issues, which I've tried over and over again to tell him I can't. Not only do I have issues of my own I have to deal with but I also haven't experienced half of the traumas he's dealt with in his life. I know detox will get his head clear from the alcohol but will AA help him realize that his issues are deep and his wife can't fix him?
It will if he does the work. That's up to him.
I called a lawyer friend of mine already to discuss a divorce (that was Mon and she hasn't called me back yet) because I know the insanity I deal with and the effects its had on me. My sponsor said I needed to choose between myself and him and this was a way. If he got himself together we could always remarry, but I honestly love my husband very much and am hoping for the best but trying to deal with today's reality.
It's always good to get information about all of your options. I'm sensing you aren't quite ready to give up on the marriage just yet. You don't have to make any drastic decisions immediately. If he's willing to go to rehab and AA, you might want to see how he makes out with those.