Marriage is really hard even in the best of circumstances but when you go in knowing the situation is already in a dangerous place (ie - the difference between someone's life or death) then you are not being responsible to yourself (or future children) for getting into it in the first place.
Obviously there is something about you that says that you don't care enough about yourself that you deserve a healthy relationship. Maybe you need to work on you before entering into any relationship much less one that comes with a guaranteed handicap.
Thinking of you and wishing you the best. You deserve the best life has to offer. You really do.
Much love.