So, I took the girls and went home and I think it was the right decision. I am not going to say I KNOW it was bc when I try to be certain of something before I do it, I never actually act...
Here's what tipped the scales.
My mother has BPD and OCD. When I was a kid, one of her "fear" tactics was to "clean" and "organize" by slamming things around until all hours of the night and into the wee hours of the morning. I would lay in bed hearing this, heart racing, hoping she would not come upstairs and drag me out of bed and start hitting me (which happened some of the time and not at other times).
For the first 5 or so days we were at my moms house she was "normal" and it was comfortable (surprisingly so). Over the past few days, as D3 started saying she wanted to go home and I didn't definitively say yes or no in response, my mother started in with the nighttime cleaning/organizing crap. For the past 3 nights I have lay in bed, heart racing, panicky and angry that I am living in the same environment I grew up in. Yesterday morning D5 got up and asked me why there was so much noise during the night and said it "waked her up" and was "scary".
That was what made me decide to leave.
I don't care if H is homeless or living in a shelter or never recovers and claims it is bc he was "forced" out of our home. I will NOT take my girls from one unhealthy environment and put them in another.
I have severe ptsd (according to my therapist from both living with my mother growing up and from living with a very high functioning, passive aggressive alcoholic/bpd H) and I don't want my daughters EVER again to lay awake at night hearing slamming of pots and pans and to be scared.
So, we went home last night and both D3 and D5 were fine with it. H was around this morning to pick the girls up and bring them to school and when he showed up they both started to act up but that's been the case whether we were at my mom's or our house...