I really needed to read this. Thank you.
I'm all about boundaries lately too. I"ve been to CA three times recently with my partner developing a new business. Each time, I ride with our client in his giant SUV for hours to meetings.
He drives like a lunatic. I've never been in a vehicle with someone that consistently roars through residential streets, does U turns on 5 lane roads and acts, overall, like a drunk teenage boy while driving.
I've asked him to drive more slowly and not jerk the car so much. It both makes me severely car sick and freaks me out. It's not safe.
This last time, we spent four hours traveling the state and the last two hours I had my eyes shut tight, on the verge of vomiting and afraid for my life.
I was very upset. I felt like I had no choices. We have to travel to meetings with this guy.
After the last episode, out of sheer desperation, I told him and my business partner I would be driving seperately whenever we needed to travel. The client was offended, my partner thought I was being dramatic. All though I wanted to tell them both to **** off, I said, "riding in your car makes me violently sick. I will be driving myself."
They still were pissy with me, tried to offer me the front seat, saying I wouldn't get sick. I said, "no thank you."
It was very hard for me keep my mouth shut, not lash out and make character judgements about him (out loud) and stick to restating my boundary. Internally, I had to battle disowning my own boundary as well and "just give him one more chance."
But I had given him THREE chances. He wasn't interested in changing the way he drives and I will never get into a car with him again. I was terrified and very ill that last time. He was driving about 50 mph in a lovely little residential section. He can run over a small child without me in the car.
It also made me very angry that my business partner, who also looked terrified when he executed dare devil moods, treated me as if there were something wrong with me to make this boundary. I told her I'm never getting back into a car with him when we got out that night and I think she didn't believe me.
Anyway. It was hard to keep that boundary, but I was SO happy to be in our little rental car alone. No cigarette smoke, no thug mentality, I got a break from our client and some alone time.
Too bad it takes me so long to create boundaries. I have to thoroughly validate myself first, but am working on getting there faster.