AH: It could be another way we could just split all the bills right down the middle?
ME: Ok, how would I do that when you and I, I thought agreed, child should not be in daycare for the first few years. I already work from when child is in bed until midnight, wake up 6 hours later take care of the child until they go to bed, work, and rinse wash repeat. So, if you want me to pay half the only way to do that would be child in daycare during the day. Do you want that
AH: It would have been fine, many people do it.
ME: Why for years did you say the exact opposite
AH: I didn’t
<Next day> ME: I had no idea you thought you wanted child in daycare and us to split things half each.
AH: I don’t.
ME: You said you did yesterday
AH: I meant when they got older it would be ok for them to be in daycare. Not now.
ME: Then how can you bring up I should pay for half of things, when there is not enough hours in the day to get that money and take care of kids.
AH: I was just pointing out how things could be.
ME: But, the point is how do you want things to be
AH: I want them the way they are
ME: then why do you say “what about this or that” way of doing something or being
AH: it isn’t that I want them to be a certain way, I am just saying there are other ways to look at something.
ME: But if you want something one way, something else has to give. You can’t have both. So what is it that you want
AH: I want things the way they are.
-So, for years he said one thing, then said something so opposite as if I was crazy for not realizing he felt this way, then he back tracked and said he wanted it the way it is. But hey lets lay a guilt trip on so you can appreciate me some more for all I do for you.
Sorry, that is kind of a convoluted story, but I am trying to really think out all the ways and times I have experienced gaslighting with AH.