DestinyM

Your post really touched me as I'm right there beside you sitting on the couch, passing tissues...

My AH of 8 years is the love of my life. I've never been with anyone as long as I've been with him. I've told him things I never told anyone else on earth. He's always telling me how he loves me more than life itself, I'm all he has, all he loves and cares about and then gets drunk and calls me everything but a child of God & at times has gone into a rage that had me running out the house, only for him to wake up in the morning wondering where his wife is... When he came home from detox he said all he wanted was to be sober so he can go back to work and take care of me and give me the things I deserve after all these years of me taking care of everything. Well we're separated again less than 4 months out of detox and he's drinking and blaming me for it. I've sat back many a day trying to understand why he chooses to drink when it makes him crazy and abusive. Am I not a good woman who meets all his needs? He says I am but then he says I'm not. He even went so far this week as to tell me to put my wedding rings up because until he can "have his wife back" I don't deserve to wear the rings HE bought!!

I called Friday to go back into therapy after a week of verbal assaults that left me exhausted. I realized today that he left me so emotionally & mentally spent that I didn't make any F2F meetings and I definitely notice the difference.

I'm also looking at my childhood, my abandonment & rejection issues from my father; my controlling codependent mother and the slew of traumatic and abusive episodes/relationships that have riddled my life. In addition to reviewing Steps 1-3 I'm starting Step 4 to better understand the connection and why after 8 years of instability and insanity I still hope to make my marriage work.