Golf, your situation sounds similar to what mine has been. The older I got, the foggier things would get in the aftermath of a binge. Just got to the point where it didn't make sense to continue that way...too much at risk, not to mention limiting my own potential. No drinking is the method I choose for me. Trying to manage drinking is not effective for me. Scary? Yeah, because you redefine who you are, and that involves real change. But think of the opportunity in that. Think about the things that you'd be doing if you weren't shaking out cobwebs from that night before. It takes time, but it gets easier and more satisfying as you go. I still have hurdles to get past (ie., encountering long time drinking buddies I haven't seen in a while), but I'm more confident that I'll get through them *my way* than ever before. Don't beat yourself up, just concentrate on doing what you know is right for you.