Hi stevie and thanks for sharing your story. I don't think there is a definition of "normal" for any families...we are all dysfunctional in our own ways. My family of origin has been challenged immensely by members with mental illness, on top of all of us being assertive and confrontational. My RAH's family is rigidly religious on top of being very stoic mid-westerners who are passive-aggressive and don't talk about "feelings". The RAH's alcoholism is a shameful event in this religion, and the family has not shown much interest in it - kind of glossing over the whole thing and proceeding on in their usual family pattern of interaction.
I know they find me very strange that I would A.) leave him AFTER he started AA and B.) Refuse to move back in with him even though he's still going to AA and C.) buy my own house and request to remain separate but still married indefinitely. And here's where my acceptance comes in. I don't care what they "think" of my decisions. And I know he (RAH) is also working on this, too. They don't have to walk a mile in my moccasins, you know! And we don't need to talk about it with them, either...because of that lack of understanding. We decided to keep this between us and our respective groups (AA and Al-Anon) as to be very careful and selective of the feedback and support we receive. My family of origin is very understanding because the majority of us are "nuts" anyway (and we feel very comfortable calling each other that, after the years of mental illness!)
That said, I don't think your family is abnormal or normal, right or wrong. They just are. It is what it is. That doesn't make you less of a person. That makes you a person with a family who is unable to accept the truth of your situation and offer you any kind of support. So find it elsewhere and accept your family's limitations. Or don't. That's your choice and power in the matter.
I think its awesome that you shared here with us F&F here. I understand your journey, I applaud you for your courageousness and sheer tenacity. You've been on a very bumpy road and are here today to talk about it in successful terms, and that's awesome! And that's why me and my RAH only share our stories with people who have been down this road; its hard for the "normies" to understand and comprehend this stuff, and many would just rather not have to.
Thanks again!
~T