SoloMio,
Great recommendation - I have read and re-read this book many times in the last two months - at least the first half. It's very insightful to read about the different patterns of behavior in families with addictions going on...I found myself really relating to much of what she writes.
I am amazed at how some of these behaviors - learned helplessness being one - creep in so silently. It seems that in the last two months of separation, I am really only now objective enough to see how I became someone that I know I wouldn't like if I met her. How easy it was to internalize all the blame and stop listening to my intuition telling me there is something really bad wrong with this picture. To overlook so many things - like a robot as you say.
I was the Perfectionist. When everything was spinning hopelessly out of control, I worked equally hard at maintaining a picture of perfection so no one outside of our family ever knew there was any trouble at all. I still think his family doesn't believe he is an alcoholic since they never saw anything except the charming, perfect facade. My Mother knew, but I told no one else either. The worse things got for my A - the harder I tried. And the harder I tried, the more things unraveled. Around and around we went...no wonder I was depressed and exhausted!