Hey, StrongEnuf, you are so brave and strong. Do you know that?
Please know I have been in a similar situation, being afraid of how XAH would cope without me there to help him. I know how hard hearing this next was for me: He is a grown person, he knows how to live, to write amounts, dates and names on checks to pay his rent, bills, etc. He knows that he can find food at stores. He can take care of himself. That he chooses NOT to do these things doesn't mean he can't and it doesn't mean you have to do it all for him.
All I had/have to do is take care of myself and DS. Hang in there. Stay strong. Ask for the help you need to do this. Best wishes!