Kjell

Hello-

I'm an "A" (alcoholic) as you call us and I'm on step 9, which is our amends step. I've emailed my ex-girlfriend and she's agreed to accept an amends letter from me. I have a long list of amends, but this, by far, is one of my most important amends to make.

I know you won't understand it all, but I was hoping you'd take a look at my letter and let me know, from your perspective of being "on the other side", your thoughts.

I'll also run this by my sponsor.

Hi (removed)-
First and foremost – thank you for allowing me to do this.

I’m in AA and I’ve been sober since 01/01/10. Part of being in AA is working the 12 steps of the program. One of these steps is an amend step and that’s what I’m attempting to do here.

I’m hoping to make amends to you for the harms I’ve done. I believe I owe you many, many amends for my general behavior while we dated and after we broke up.

I was selfish, dishonest, reckless and drunk, high, hung over far too often and because of this behavior, I wasn’t a good boyfriend to you and I’m very sorry for that. I think deep down I wanted to be and that’s why I struggled so much, but my intentions don’t count here and I realize that now. I also now understand it’s what I do, it’s what I say, and it’s how I treat people that matters.

There are also many specific amends and it’s possible I may be leaving some out. If I am, please let me know so we can address them specifically, if you’re so inclined.

I’m sorry for every single time I drank too much. Every single time I did any illegal drugs. Every single time I was hung over and not available to you. Every single time I choose getting drunk and/or doing drugs over you, or our relationship, or any plans we made. I’m sorry for every single time I embarrassed you or made it hard/uncomfortable on you in any way.

I’m sorry for every single time I lied to you about my drinking, what I did while partying, or my involvement in any way regarding drugs. I’m sorry for every single time my selfishness and reckless behavior caused you to worry or feel any negative emotions.

…and every, single, time I drove with or without you in the car while either drunk or high. I can’t believe how reckless, selfish, and irresponsible I was, but I completely understand now.

I left you at a bar and at a party to get drugs. You tried to help me both times after both of these incidents. I’m sure you were confused and furious at me. I’m sorry.

There were times when you, with good reason, would call me “out” on my poor behavior and I would argue with you, or try to push the focus on you, or try to justify my actions. I was wrong. Dead wrong. I apologize.

I’m sorry for getting drunk and my behavior in general, while I was out of town either for tradeshows or trips without you. I now understand why this was wrong and how it must have made you feel.

I know I probably made it hard on you at work and my mind is just now becoming clear enough to understand just how ridicules and embarrassing I was. I’m sorry.

I also know that after we broke up I was a JERK, especially in Portland. I’m so embarrassed about my actions after we broke up and you had every right to break up with me. I understand that now.

I’m hoping we can speak about this further, but either way, please let me know what I can do to make this up to you. If I’ve left anything out (and I’m assuming I have), I’d really like to know about it.
Sincerely,
(removed)