I used to tell my RAH
"All I want is for us to be NORMAL"...
and he always denied we were anything but.
Of course I actually started to believe it,
accepted it
and now when he's in Recovery and pulling the same stuff, being gone ALL the time, ignoring me and the kids
and doing it in a very shady way as well, I've decided I always KNEW it wasn't normal to be treated this way.
I knew it was wrong.
It was disrespectful and I won't accept it anymore.
that, my friends, is why when he said he wasn't sure if he loved me and wanted to leave, after completely falling apart for a few days, I pulled myself up and DECIDED that I don't want someone who doesn't love me.
Part of that love is showing proper respect; something I've done without for FAR too long.
It feels good to know I'm saving ME.
and I am setting a better example for what is acceptable and unacceptable in a marriage to my kids...who Lord knows, have not had the best example so far!
I was talking to someone today who had only heard my RAH side of the story, the day after he told me, and she was sooo worried about me.
I was like WHY?
This is baggage that I don't mind losing. This is hardly just HIS decision. I told her now he wants to stay...but I've come to realize I want him to leave.
I don't have any desire to spend the next 20 yrs putting up w/ the same crap I've put up with for the past 20 yrs. No way!
this is, as I think someone posted...is like I won the lottery.