Originally Posted by TakingCharge999

Ah yes that has also been my experience, when I stop trying to "show" anyone, or "convince" anyone, or "demonstrate" whatever (in any area) PEACE shows up. And I have learned to value peace.

In my own experience I made myself many questions and diagnosed the ex with many things, and even his girlfriend, then I realized I am NOT a psychologist or psychiatrist, that *I* decided to LEAVE for MY OWN GOOD, and I was ready to put it all in a huge box labeled "Who cares" and focus in what IS under MY control.

Of course this has taken me 2 years of constant triggering and much reading in SR and elsewhere and some months in therapy/group therapy and chats with AA and Alanon people and realizing who are quackers and who I can trust. Still a work in progress but at least now I feel "on the other side of the bridge" with sane people.



All the "he does this because..." were my justifications for him, and after moving a little bit forward in my mourning process I realize he said and did things because HE WANTED.. because HE COULD GET AWAY WITH IT.. until I was done. But it is his problem because now he keeps quacking and drinking and I am no longer in his life. So there is my proof: I did not Cause it.


When I am done (in my brightest moments) I am DONE and I realize I am also saying goodbye to the one I was, A Doormat justifying unacceptable behaviors from many people not only EXABF.

Just then I can start feeling gratitude and relief and realize I no longer have to act like a codie and there is someone who IS worth time, effort, energy and who I have kept abandoned too much time now. Someone who has a GOOD heart.

Then whatever others say or do or the reasons behind them (that often go back for generations!) is a matter of study for scientists... no longer for humble TC999 whose job is something else and among other things deserves to be free. Truly Free from that constant self defeating chatter or judgment or excuses for toxic, sick people. What a concept! Freedom.

I got carried away... but, being so close with XABF I realize more and more the size of his ego, of his selfishness and it starts sinking in that he is not worth anything from me, anymore... and this feeling is priceless, I guess its called sense of self worth...

Thanks for letting me share