I don't know if your ex is BPD or NPD, but I don't think everyone who is an alcoholic or addict has a personality disorder. Usually there is some other stuff that's a little messed up (sometimes it's a result of the drinking, and sometimes it's part of the cause), but most personality disorders are not very responsive to treatment. Having problem personality traits is different from having a personality disorder. With most alcoholics and addicts, once the booze is gone, and the personality problems addressed (which should be part of recovery, if they are using the Steps), they can be pretty decent human beings.