Hi Apex-
I'm over 15 months sober, but I know EXACTLY how you feel.
Fear. I was full of it, but it was a 50/50 mixture of my drinking and the thought that I may never be able to drink again. This is one example of alcoholic insanity.
...and I say this with kindess, but more than likely, if you're an alcholic like me, your "beer count" is off a bit and probably on the low end of what's really true
Apex - we can and do recover and it's great to hear that you're leaning towards abstinence. If you're an alcholic, then there is no such thing as drinking in moderation. If there was, you would have already done it.
Keep posting and read and "listen" for the similarities.
Kjell~