Thanks to all for your feedback. I am trying one day at a time, but it is really like one minute at a time, and making days seem as long as years.
With the exception of this most recent beer-hiding incident, he has always been painfully honest with me. And while I don't like the aCTION of drinking, there have never really been any "bad" actions on his part.
I am finding myself running through a whole spectrum of emotions, from feeling like he is the love of my life, to feeling mad that he can't even call me. I wish that there could be something...an apology, a f*** you, a "we should break up," a "I can't stop drinking," a "I'm moving to Mongolia"...something, ANYTHING, for at least some closure. I'm sitting here staring at a big pile of his stuff on my desk, and don't really want to throw it in a bag and leave it on his porch.
Maybe it is too soon, but the more distance we have, the more confusing things seem. The longer we go without talking, the more I think about how much I love him, and how important he is to me, and how irreplacable our love seems. But at the same time, it hurts so badly that this man who told me just one week ago that he loved me, that I am his best friend, that I am the love of his life, can't even call me. And that makes me think that he only loved me when I "let" him drink...that his promises that beer would never come before me are all lies, and beer has won hands-down
