I appreciate information. I take everything I hear and read and I process it myself. SOmetimes it makes sense and you can use it, sometimes it is thought provoking even if you do not agree and reject the suggestion. It all is part of the process of growing and I don't dismiss any of it. I am currently reading HE'S SCARED SHE'S SCARED. Years ago I read a book called MEN WHO CAN'T LOVE this is the same author. I am coming to the realization that I am just coming out of a 21 year marriage, separated not divorced, and I do not want a relationship so I think I picked him for that very reason. He clearly can't do long term....he has trouble with next week. It was a subconscience thing. I have always had a man...boyfriend, husband, live in since I'm 13. I never dated...everytime I broke up with someone there was another right there. I get along easily with people and was fortunate to run into men that wanted to please me, wanted commitment. I broke up with a guy I lived with for 5 years because he wanted to get married. I finally got married because I was 31 and wanted kids. I told my RA we would go one day at a time but I was pressing him for more time and asked if he loved me when I knew full well he had never felt romantic love. Looks like I have my own issues too. I enjoyed him tremendously. Yes, he has a problem discussing feelings and disappears quickly when it gets intense...I'm not saying he is faultless...he should work on all of those things. I see now that I have a hard time just enjoying people for who they are and not trying to make a relationship "be" something. At 53 where is it going? I would prefer to have lots of time with friends and myself and my grown children and my elderly parents.....and him. I wish I could have just relaxed more and let it be what it was. I wish he could have told me he was feeling pressure and we could have backed off a bit. I have a long road. I love that this has become a topic of discussion. I would have never thought to get on this site other than he is a RA, I'm glad I did. It is easy to pick them apart...their issues are out there for all to see.....ours are a little less obvious, but are there none the less.