Originally Posted by courageouscrane

Haven't talked to ABF in a week. I am having such a hard time, and am frankly completely devastated. He is my best friend, and a wonderful man who has helped me more than anyone else in the world. He just happens to have a serious drinking problem and struggles hugely with it. I love him, my friends love him, my family loves him, and they all know about his troubles. It is kind of amazing that he could do all he has done for me in the state he has been in.

But last week, he hid a beer from me, which he'd never done before, and I told him I didn't want to talk to him for a while. Called him a couple days later to check on him, and he ignored me. No contact since.

I know in my mind that the best thing for us is to not talk, because I think then he will see how close he is to the bottom. He got a DUI last month, and is now car-less, job-less, and stuck in his dump of a house in a bad area. With his alcoholic roommate. Which I guess also makes me wonder if he's just drinking everything away, while I am sobbing for the love of my life, and wondering if our relationship is beyond the point of repair.

For the record, he has seen an addiction doctor 2 or 3 times since the DUI, and apparently working on getting sober. This is the first time he's been seriously committed to doing anything besides doing it on his own, which is a good sign, and I don't want to give up on him now, but because he's still drinking, I don't know where to draw the line of support. I know that I can't save him, and he has to do it himself, and because he's still drinking, it seems he is so far from being able to quit. I know that our relationship cannot be if he keeps drinking. But he really is the love of my life and the best friend I have ever had. I miss him. And it hurts that he hasn't contacted me. (I guess it is what I asked for, but it still hurts.) It hurts to think that a man who has told me, both sober and drunk, that I am the love of his life, and he wants nothing but to be with me, who has never treated me less than gold won't even talk to me. (Yes, his drinking is frustrating and infuriating and we have had many long discussions about it and its impact on me, on him, on me-and-him, but he really has been better to me than anyone ever has).

I guess it's confusing also because I don't even know if we've broken up. We still have lots of each other's things. I still talk to his mom. I don't like this gray area purgatory. Wonder if I should just call him and clear the slate, set actual boundaries and definitions, or just let time run its course. I am so lost right now. I am keeping myself busy with work and other friends, but it feels like a piece of my soul is missing right now.

Your thoughts/advice/experience greatly appreciated.