thanks everyone for the birthday wishes. I am learning a lot about life an love and how damaged people will do anything to avoid emotional pain. You can not live life unless you give of yourself and that requires at times to be vulnerable. I don't regret loving him and giving to him...it was the closest he will ever get and I hope somewhere deep inside he realizes he needs some serious help...it is not normal to go your whole life without intimate relationships. So, I don't regret it. I do want to learn from it. I know the pain will go away and I hope my tears were not wasted but were just an uncomfortable growth spurt. I am sticking close to my girlfriends these days...we laugh and love and will never hurt one another.