theuncertainty

Sending, Hugs, Shellcrusher. I agree with Wicked. You have a lot. XAH never once got a DUI; I had never gotten the police involved when I was still with him; I didn't even journal while with XAH. The journalling is a lot. What helped the most with my case was XAH's testimony and responses to questions while in the courtroom.

I was reading the book "Snoop: What Your Stuff Says About You" last week (some one here at SR recommended it in a thread) and there's a section that discusses little clues about the differences between a tidy room and a room that has been tidied for the snoop research. The gist of it is, while some one may want to present an appearance of, say, being conscientious and tidy, their idea of what constitutes being conscientious and tidy only goes so far if they're not. They have a general idea of what it should look like, but they're not going to think of all the little things that make that appearance true.

It fits here, too. While I know XAH wanted to present like he was recovered / cured / never had a problem with alcohol and he knew generally what that would look like, he has absolutely no idea of the little things, the steps involved, the level of responsibility that show a person is working towards recovery. He certainly could not acurately portray that he doesn't have a problem with alcohol among other 'stuff.'

I really wanted to believe Coyote (or the others who backed him up) when he told me that the judges see it every day, but I was a little skeptical before the trial. But they were right: the judges really can see the alcoholic who is putting on a show of being parent of the year and see through the show to the un-involved, irresponsible alcoholic.

Hang in there, keep documenting and trust your HP. :ghug3