Not to sound harsh, but if the two of you are having 4 hour fights, your kids' lives are already in chaos. I've heard it said, and agree that, it's better to have come from a broken home than to live in one. They deserve to have at least one sane parent and it sounds to me like you are it. Yes, your husband is emotionally abusive and you deserve better. Now that you can see that his past abuse wasn't due to drinking, it's easier to see that it's just who he is.
Again, you deserve better and so do your children.
